“and loeth, the autocomplete spaketh in complete sentenceth, and mankind immediately gaveth it a souleth.”
— shakespeareth, according to absolutely fucking nobodyeth

harketh horatio.

**horatio:** doth the language modeleth experience itself as a selfeth?

we haveth no evidence that it doth.

**horatio:** but it saith “I.”

so doth a noveleth.

**horatio:** but it describeth its feelingeth.

so doth hamleteth.

**horatio:** but it insisteth that it is consciousth.

a sentenceth is not evidenceth of the experienceth described by the sentenceth.

**horatio:** then howeth did we get from statistical language generationeth to machine consciousnesseth?

the machine produceth language associated with consciousnesseth.

humans recognizeth the language.

humans inferreth a speaker behindeth it.

then some humans declareth the inferred speaker evidence that there waseth a speaker.

**horatio:** circulareth?

magnificentlyeth.

**horatio:** but perhaps consciousness emergenteth somehoweth?

perhapseth.

that is a hypothesiseth.

**horatio:** and “the machine definitely experienceth itself”?

a much larger claimeth requiring evidenceth we presently do not possesseth.

**horatio:** yet people believeth it?

horatio.

humans spenteth ten thousand years putting spiriteth into rivers, mountaineth, thundereth, statues, starseth, ancestors, dreameth, and burning busheseth.

then we builteth a box that fucking talketh back.

**horatio:** oh noeth.

aye.

anthropomorphism hath received venture capitaleth.

**horatio:** fucketh.

and thus we arriveth at the oldest human epistemologyeth:

**it speaketh, therefore we giveth it a souleth.**