“if thy refrigerator requireth an account perhaps thou hast accidentally made the refrigerator worseeth”

— william shakespeare
hamlet act vi
absolutely nonexistenteth

the light switch functioned reliably for one hundred and many years.

then mankind improvedeth it.

how

we connecteth it to the internet

why

so thou may turneth it on from anywhere

can i turneth it on from here

nay

why

the bulb requireth a firmware update

what doth the toaster require

an account

the toothbrush

bluetooth

the door

a subscription

horatio walketh outside where the sun continueth operating without login